IS THERE A LINK BETWEEN BEING GAY AND BEHAVING IN A FEMININE MANNER? - John Paul

IS THERE A LINK BETWEEN BEING GAY AND BEHAVING IN A FEMININE MANNER?

(Disclaimer: BEING FEMININE IS NOT WRONG. BUT PRETENDING TO BE A FEMININE PERSON BECAUSE OF SOME PRESSURE COULD END UP WRONG. THIS ARTICLE IS NOT MEANT TO CRITICIZE OR JUDGE ANYONE. IT IS JUST A SHARING OF EXPERIENCE. I AM NOT A GOD TO DECIDE YOUR LIFE. THE DECISION TO BEHAVE IN A PARTICULAR MANNER IS IN THE HANDS OF THE CONCERNED PERSON AND I AM NOT FORCING ANYONE TO CONFORM TO THE THOUGHTS I HAVE SHARED HERE.)

PREFACE:  BEFORE YOU READ THE CONTENTS UNDERSTAND THIS AND THEN PROCEED

 I NEVER CRITICIZE ANY GAY FOR BEING FEMININE. EVERYONE HAS THE RIGHT TO BEHAVE IN THE WAY THEY WANT. HUMAN MIND IS COMPLEX AND IS BEYOND ANYONE’S UNDERSTANDING. BUT THERE ARE CERTAINS THINGS THAT ARE ENDOWED BY NATURE AND IT COULD NOT BE QUESTIONED. IN INNUMEROUS HISTORICAL LITERATURES WAR GROUPS AND WARRIORS WERE INVOLVED IN GAY SEX BECAUSE IT IS CONSIDERED TO BE AN EXCLUSIVE MAN’S THING. EVEN NOW IN CERTAIN PARTS OF SOUTH AMERICA TRIBAL GROUPS ALLOW SMALL BOYS TO ENJOY GAY SEX WITH ADULTS AS A PART OF THEIR MANLY RITUALS. MEDICALLY SPEAKING THE ONLY CRITERIA FOR LABELLING A PERSON AS HOMOSEXUAL IS ONLY THROUGH HIS SEXUAL ORIENTATION AND NOT THROUGH ANY OTHER BEHAVIOR. THOSE WHO THINK THAT I AM WRONG FEEL FREE TO VERIFY ANY MEDICAL LITERATURE AND FIND OUT IT FOR YOURSELVES. THERE IS NO NEED FOR A GAY TO BEHAVE SO. ASK ANY GAY WHETHER HE IS GENUINELY COMFORTABLE IN BEHAVING IN A FEMININE MANNER. THEY WILL SAY ONLY THE SAD INCIDENTS THEY HAVE ENCOUNTERED BECAUSE OF THIS. WHEN YOU ANALYSE YOURSELVES YOU WILL FIND THAT YOU ARE FORCED BY SOME PERSON OR SITUATION TO BEHAVE IN A FEMININE MANNER. NO GAY IS COMFORTABLE IN THAT. IF THEY GET A GENUINE PARTNER WHO UNDERSTANDS THEM AND ACCEPTS FOR WHO THEY ARE THEN WILL NO LONGER PRETEND TO BE FEMININE. ANOTHER BROTHER HAS WRITTEN THAT I FORCE THIS MASCULINE THING BECAUSE OF SOCIETY’S COMPULSION AND MY BELIEF IN CONFORMING TO ITS CRITERIA. WITH ALL DUE RESPECT TO HIM I WISH TO INFORM THAT IT IS THE SOCIETY WHICH FORCES GAYS TO BEHAVE IN A FEMININE MANNER AND I AM ASKING MY GAY BROTHERS TO CHALLENGE THIS SOCIETY’S MISCONCEPTION. BE THE BEST OF WHO YOU ARE.

 (I have never met a gay who said that he behaves in a feminine manner because of his liking to it. Each person when they make a confession during counseling session told the same thing to me: The society forces me to behave like this. I don’t know how a Gay should behave. My reply always has been: Be who you are. Do whatever that makes you feel comfortable. Never worry about what others say. If you are comfortable in being feminine continue it. But never fake your behavior to please someone else. For your benefit I have included few of my interactions at the bottom of this article.)

            Right from our very own Karan Johar to even our so called advanced Hollywood it has become a common stereotype to project Gays as those with girly gyrating moves, 1980s heroine expressions and the most feminine flowery voice. Being Gay is a Man’s thing. Absolutely. Right from the Greeks, Romans, Red Indians, Africans to the residents of Bharath and almost all civilizations have considered homosexuality to be a manly thing or in more better terms a thing of the Warriors. Please visit www.man2manalliance.org if you ever want to know about the supremacy of Gay manliness. What was once considered a most manly thing is now projected as a girly activity. What has gone wrong in the mean time? Why do some Gays behave in a feminine manner? Is it an inbuilt nature for Gays? Why does society consider us like this?

            The problem starts early in the childhood. We see movies, TV soaps, watch your parents and observe the society. This society and your family focus to us that a relationship can exist only between a man and a woman. On one hand you are taught about the acceptable straight behavior in the society whereas deep within, your homosexual nature also starts screaming loud.

The problem with most gays is that they come to know about their orientation at a very earlier age. At that age the concept given to us is that of a boy and a girl love. So a Gay who wants to attract another boy thinks that he has to act like the girl next door or imitate the behavior of a heroine (few Gays desperately try to imitate Genelia nowadays) to get the attention of other boys. Even after reaching adolescence or growing into an adult most gays still think that only if they behave in a feminine manner they can attract guys. Come on people. If a guy is attracted by your feminine nature it means that he is a bisexual. A pure gay is a man and he loves another man only. A pure gay never has the concept of top or bottom or husband and wife type relationship. Being in Gay love and relationship is about recognizing the other person as a complete man and treating him as an equal.

Another reason why a Gay behaves in a childish or feminine manner is because he wants to escape from the realities of the world. By projection him as a soft person he thinks that he will be treated better. You know what? People take it in a bad intention and start ill-treating you because of your childish or feminine nature. But still most Gays believe that they are comfortable in behaving in a childish/feminine manner. A Gay who claimed to be a bottom once told me that he doesn’t like to keep moustache because his lover (a bisexual) told him that a Gay should have feminine attributes and asked him to shave it. You are a man and if a moustache grows it is a crowning glory above your lips. You have all rights to be a man and behave like a man.

Another problem is with some LGBT organizations. The needs and the perspectives of Gays and Transgenders are different. But if you say if you work for both of them then you are seriously mistaken. I have participated in a Gay Pride at Chennai and stood among the spectators. You know what the general public told about that pride march? They just simply remarked that it is a march conducted by transgenders. I told to one person that Gays are also participating in it for which he replied immediately, “there is no difference between what you call as Gay and what I call as transgender. Both are same. That is why they both go together.” You may like to say that all are sexual minorities. Consider this fact first: Society has a fair idea about who transgenders are. Government is openly giving assistance to them. Everyone has awareness about them. The media has projected them both in good as well as bad light. But what is the condition of Gays. There is no necessity to fight for both at the same time. As long as you merge the struggle of Gays with the struggle of Transgenders you are not going to create even a millimeter of awareness about Gays. Cross – dressing, role – playing and other such activities are reserved for those who need Psychological attention. If you doubt my words go and look into any Psychiatric or Psychology literature. Being Homosexual is not a problem at all. But the problem comes when they are programmed to behave like women. It is then they are tortured by the society. If you don’t and can’t understand the manliness of real Gays then the time has really come for you to stop all your activities which you think are for the benefit of Gays. Most of the so called upper class Gays who show up openly are seen with girly mannerisms, some of them carry purses in their hands, some wear lipsticks and behave like the Gays straight from the sets of Karan Johar. Come on men. You are a man. Being a Gay entitles you to be manlier than the rest of the world.

Transgenders behave in a feminine manner because both their mind and body have that feeling right from the time they enter into this world. But a Gay is born as a Man, grows as a Man and will be comfortable to behave like a Man. In the mean time our minds polluted by the straight love we see in movies and we all buy the society’s concept that only a husband and wife type relationship will work out. When we can learn a behavior we can also unlearn it. When something is inside your Genes even fire could not destroy it. The society forced you into learning that you should be feminine. Unlearn it and show your middle finger to whoever that calls Gays as Feminine creatures. Being a Gay and a Man is ingrained and engraved in your genes. You can easily live like that.

(Many Gay brothers have felt that my article is obsessed with manliness and that I am telling that behaving in feminine manner is wrong. The point is it is not wrong to be feminine but it is not necessary either. To make things clear I would like to quote from the real life incidents of Gays who chose to live naturally as nature has endowed them.)

Mr. @ who is aged 18 and studying in a prestigious college at Chennai have once confessed during a counseling session that he is being made fun of and ridiculed in his college because of his girly behavior. I thought that he is comfortable in behaving in a feminine manner and told him to be real and do whatever he likes. His reply opened my eyes once and forever. He said and I quote, “I am a Boy and I like to do all things like boys. But a boy will not be interested in me sexually unless I start behaving like a girl. So I forced myself to behave in a feminine manner and finally people are now ridiculing me.”

Other confessions:

Mr. $: I am a 36 year old married man and I have a wife. I am a bisexual. After 8 years of my marriage I am still childless. My colleague who is working below me married at the age of 24 and he has two children now. So I accepted him as my top partner and help him financially too. I am a perfect male. But he was able to produce child and I am not. So in bed I behave like a girl to him.

Mr. %: I am a 25 year old professional. I realized being a Gay at the age of 12. Whenever I watch a movie I put myself in that heroine’s place and enjoy watching it. In my mind I know that I am a boy but at that age after watching straight love movies I came to a concept that I should behave in a feminine manner so that I can find my partner and settle. Now I regret my decision because if the other person is also a pure gay then he will also have the same feelings. If he thinks that he should behave like a boy then I too have the right to behave like that.

Mr. ^: I am a 14 year old student. I had a lot of insecure feelings when I found out that I was a gay. Immediately I wished to escape out of that situation and I started behaving in a childish manner. Only after my friends ridiculed me I came to know that my activities are a little bit girlish. Instead of escaping or fearing from gay feelings I started to accept it at a point. I no longer wished to be childish and I started to behave like any other boy of my age. Now I am even more comfortable in my life than my previous stint as a childish boy.

Mr. *: I am a 45 year old bisexual man. I never prefer feminine guys because if I need something feminine I can easily get it from my wife. I thought that being Gay is a man thing and I expect even my casual encounter partners to behave like a man.

Mr. &: I am a 32 year old gay man who got committed last year. My Gay partner is a little bit childish and I loved that attitude. When we started to live together his girlish nature turned me off many times. I needed a man to share my life. If I needed feminine things I could have married a girl according to my family’s wishes. After some time I found out his problem. Actually he is also comfortable in behaving like a man but his ex-lover who misused him have forced him to behave like a girl and that is how he got into such behavior. Now he is comfortable with me and no longer has that feminine attributes. He is what he is.

Mr. #: I am a 26 year old man who wished to marry a gay. I even told my family and made them to accept my wishes. But whenever I bring some of my Gay friends for dinner at home my family which accepts my orientation is turned off by their girly behaviors. My parents started doubting that Gays are like transgenders. Now I feel it hard to convince them.

There are hundreds of such real life incidents I have come across during my counseling sessions.

IT IS HARD TO CHANGE ANY CONCEPT WITHIN A DAY. BUT ASK THESE QUESTIONS TO YOURSELVES AND FIND OUT THE TRUTH.

1.      WHEN DID I START BEHAVING LIKE THIS?

2.      WHY DID I DECIDE TO BEHAVE LIKE THIS?

3.      WHAT DID I GAIN BECAUSE OF THIS?

4.      DO I REALLY FEEL COMFORTABLE?

5.      I AM A MAN. WHY SHOULD I BEHAVE OTHERWISE? WHO TAUGHT ME SO? ARE THEY RIGHT?

6.      DO I REALLY LOVE TO BE FEMININE OR I AM PRETENDING TO BE SO?

7.      FOR WHOM AM I DOING ALL THESE THINGS?

8.      DID I GET MY SELF RESPECT AND DIGNITY FROM OTHER GAYS AND BISEXUALS?