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♥உங்கள் விஜயின் வலைப்பூவிற்கு வருகை தந்தமைக்கு நன்றி!.. நன்றி!.. நன்றி!.. கருத்திட்டு களம் விலக தாழ்மையுடன் கேட்டுகொள்கிறேன்...♥

Wednesday 27 November 2013




I still love you no matter what you have done. True love knows only to agree and accept. I agree that you can't convince your family. Our situations vary. I am blessed with an understanding family and you have a different type of pressure at your home. So I accept your decision with full love. I don't wanna start a blame game to tarnish those beautiful memories.


I lied to you that I don't know to drive the bike. Actually what I meant was I could not drive and kiss you at the same time. You are an expert, right? It was Saturday 4 p.m. when you picked me from my College. To which place you took me for a drive? I don't know about it even today. When I hopped on your bike I never cared to ask you. 'Take me wherever you want'. I am never going to say this thing to anyone else I hope. I still remember it is somewhere away from the rushes of Chennai. The road was dark and threatening when I remember it now. There were hardly any people on the road I think. You turned towards me frequently when you drove. I know what you wanted. But there is pleasure in not asking things openly. There is also pleasure in reacting negatively. 


"Look at the road and drive. I am not your way" 


"I am mapping my way to the sweetest spot."


"Don't be so filmy. I can only yawn at these dialogues." 


"Yawn. But I know how to bring those shutters down."


What if we die in an accident during your kissing stunt while driving? I was expecting that to happen. Not that I don't wanna live with you for a hundred years. I felt it as a perfect day to end our story. And yeah we missed that lorry by a few centimeters. Damn that. Or may be even death is afraid to separate us that day. I have never trusted anyone and gone for a ride to an unknown place where you can never find people or a petrol bunk or a police station or even a small hotel. Did I need any of those? 


That day in temple. I still think that we were formally married that day when you kept sandalwood paste in my forehead and I kept in yours. Whichever girl you marry for your family's sake just remember that she is just your second partner. Love has no legality. It knows only to love. I have never found the reason why I chose to love you. I never will. I loved you, I love you and I will always love you. You know that. I never told you this after our first meet. Some people can read it through lips. I felt that you overheard my heart. Now I have the need. I am never gonna come in your life again because I will never do anything that will pain you and so are you. At least now I wanna say it a million times for one last time. Next week is your marriage. Second marriage. Let me shout my love to you so that I will be so weak on your marriage day that not even my heart's vibration will disturb you. I don't wanna lie that I won't cry. I will cry till my lacrimals pain and dry out. I am not gonna let my blood out like those psychos because I wanna live. At least live with a memory that I was once loved by you without a hindrance. I also know that you love me still.

I read newspaper reports about couples getting divorced because of husband's gay nature. I just pray in my heart that this never happens in your life. Not because of my pity for your wife. My partner should never be disgraced for whatsoever reason. Any day in my life I would love to see you with your wife and children. But definitely not now. Give me some time. Ten years. No. Twenty. Well. I don't know how long. But I want you to know that I am happy for whatever that happens in your life.


You asked me or shall I say pleaded me to settle with someone else who would never marry a girl and be a gay partner with me till my last breath. Thanks for your concern. You know what? I can still smell you even though you are staying miles apart from me. I don't know how I will kiss someone else's lips and say the same thing I told you. I may say it one day you can say. But keep this in mind. It will never be the same thing with him. When you had fever you slept on my chest. Your hot breath is still burning inside me. My beard prickled your shoulders during many of our drives. Whenever you complain I just do it again and again. The same applies to all my feelings for you. You can have blood transfusion from anyone. Is it the same in case of saliva too? You think I am crazy, right? I have laughed at those mad lovers and spoke about reality in lengths. Now I know the reality. There is nothing more real than first love. You can try to run away from it. But you never have the right to ask me stop doing it.

Do you remember the day when we first met? You came to my room. I was alone. All we did was some child's play. I sat in your lap. You asked me to turn my face towards you and we were just looking at each other. Did we engage in anything sexual? No. You embraced me with both your arms. You traveled so long to reach my place. You are all sweaty and sultry. Who cares? I love my man no matter how he is. May be the girl in your life might run behind perfumes. I said I love you and you did something else to close my mouth. May be actions are better than words. Did I bite your lips or did you bite mine? Leave it. I still have the pain after all these years. 


Do I have to write a lengthy letter to make you feel my love? Don't you know it for yourselves, you idiot?


  1. Wow. So beautifully written. :)

  2. Really an amazing letter. It tells the pain felt by a broken heart from first love., actually the true love. In my past, I felt the same feeling of irresistible pain. My real life and your story have so many similarities but the venues are different. It kindled my past five years of love and one year of pain. Thanks for making me remembering all my past happy life (especially the first meet, the love proposal, and the vow of commitment). No one can console the broken painful heart. Only time can heal all the wounds in that painful broken heart.

  3. A touching letter.So there are true lovers too among us and not those onenightstanders.Good

  4. very nice...every word shows the real feel of love inside a broken heart...nd this is the letter every one like us want to write for our first nd last work...